Grief
At some point in our life, all of us are going to experience the death of a loved one. Grief is the normal process that follows such a loss.
Grief has some common manifestations:
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feelings:
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shock, numbness, sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, isolation, apathy, powerlessness, anguish, yearning, release, relief.
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thoughts
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disbelief, confusion, obsession or preoccupation
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a sense of presence of the deceased
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visual or auditory hallucinations.
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behaviours
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sleep disturbance
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appetite disturbance and resultant weight loss/gain
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difficulty concentrating, disorganisation, social withdrawal
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dreaming about the deceased, avoiding reminders of the deceased
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searching, sighing, restlessness, overactivity
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treasuring objects that belonged to the deceased
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crying.
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physical sensations
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breathlessness, muscle weakness, tightness in the chest or throat, dry mouth, hollow feeling in the stomach, over sensitivity to noise, sense of depersonalisation or dissociation, lack of energy.
Ways people respond to grief
While many bereaved individuals suffer some of these symptoms, grief is a very individual process. Whereas grief can be intense for some, for others it may be quite mild. Some people begin grieving immediately following news of a loss, but in others it may be delayed. The grieving process does not take place for a set amount of time – some individuals grieve for a relatively short period of time, and for others, it may seem to continue forever.
Grief is sometimes complicated by past, unresolved experiences of loss. In addition, some losses may not be as appreciated by society as others (eg miscarriage, abortion) some may be traumatic (eg murder, disaster) and some may have a stigma attached (eg drug overdose, suicide). Such situations can also complicate grief.
Dealing with grief
While it can be an intensely painful experience, grief has a purpose and a healing function, enabling progression to reinvestment in life and new relationships. The following are some of the tasks that grief creates for bereaved individuals:
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to accept the reality of the loss
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to accept that grieving is painful
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to adjust to the changed environment without the help/companionship of the deceased
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to withdraw much of the energy invested in the deceased and reinvest it in new relationships.
Although most people do not have trouble working through these tasks alone and/or with the support of friends and family, for some of those experiencing acute or complicated grief, or those without adequate support, it may seem that the accomplishment of these tasks is overwhelming, or even impossible. Speaking to a counsellor at Student Services can facilitate the grief process, thereby offering hope of reaching some point of resolution.
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